Empowered To Forgive
Author Tom Flores
Empowered To Forgive
Every person carries stories of pain, betrayal, or disappointment — moments that left a mark on the heart. We’ve all been hurt, and we’ve all hurt others. Forgiveness is one of the hardest commands Jesus ever gave, not because we don’t want to obey Him, but because sometimes the wounds feel too deep to release. Yet forgiveness isn’t about excusing the wrong; it’s about freeing the soul. It’s not weakness — it’s strength. And it’s not human — it’s divine. Forgiveness is the language of heaven flowing through the heart of the redeemed.
But unforgiveness can take many forms. It doesn’t always look like anger — sometimes it hides in silence, pride, or even self-punishment. Here are 10 common types of unforgiveness.
When Jesus taught His disciples how to pray, He began with the heart, not the miracle. Before teaching about power, He taught about purity — the kind that only comes through forgiveness. Because nothing blocks the presence of God more than a heart that clings to offense. When Jesus said, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors,” He wasn’t giving us a formula. He was showing us how forgiveness flows. Forgiveness doesn’t begin with us — it begins with Him. We forgive others only when we understand how much we’ve been forgiven. Until that truth reaches the deepest part of who we are, forgiveness will always feel like a struggle. You can’t release what you haven’t received. You can’t extend what hasn’t touched you. You can’t truly forgive others until forgiveness has taken root inside you.
There are moments when forgiveness feels out of reach. The wound is still raw. The memory still burns. You’ve tried to move on, but something inside still grips the pain. Jesus understands that. That’s why forgiveness isn’t meant to be produced through effort — it’s something that grows out of grace. When we pray, “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors,” we’re really saying, “God, let Your mercy sink deep into my heart until it changes how I see others.”
Forgiveness doesn’t flow from willpower — it flows from understanding what God has done for you. Once you grasp the weight of what He’s carried for you, the weight you carry against others begins to lose its power. When forgiveness gets inside of you — when it becomes real, personal, and undeniable — that’s when you begin to forgive others not out of duty, but out of gratitude.
(Matthew 18:21–35). Peter once asked, “Lord, how often shall I forgive my brother? Up to seven times?” Jesus replied, “Not seven times, but seventy times seven.” Then He told a story. A servant owed his master ten thousand talents — an impossible debt. When he begged for mercy, the master forgave him completely. But that same servant went out and demanded payment from another man who owed him just a small amount. When the master heard, he was furious: “I forgave you all that debt. Shouldn’t you have had compassion as I had on you?” The servant’s problem wasn’t only pride — it was blindness. He had been forgiven, but he didn’t really believe it. The mercy shown to him never reached his heart, so he couldn’t show mercy to anyone else.
That’s the real danger of unforgiveness — not that God withholds mercy, but that we live as if we never received it. When grace stays on the surface, forgiveness stays out of reach. But when grace gets inside, when it touches your wounds and washes over your shame, it changes how you treat others. You start to see people the way God sees you — worth forgiving.
When Jesus said, “If you don’t forgive others, your Father won’t forgive you,” He wasn’t threatening punishment — He was revealing a principle of the heart. Unforgiveness doesn’t stop God from forgiving you — it stops you from receiving what He’s already given. The problem isn’t in heaven; it’s in our hearts.
In Matthew 6:15, Jesus said, “But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” The word “neither” in the Greek (oude) means “nor yet, not even.” It doesn’t mean God withholds forgiveness — it means you haven’t yet experienced the deep forgiveness that He has already bestowed on you.
When a person comes to the altar and repents of their sin, they are forgiven instantly by grace — not by works, not by effort, but by mercy alone. That forgiveness is full and complete. But the ability to forgive others grows as our understanding of that forgiveness deepens. You can’t release what you haven’t yet understood. You can’t extend what hasn’t yet transformed you. When forgiveness hasn’t yet sunk in, we hold on to offenses. But as His grace takes root — as it goes from being something we’ve heard to something we feel and know — our hearts begin to soften. Forgiveness becomes possible.
So when Jesus said, “If you don’t forgive, neither will your Father forgive you,” He wasn’t closing heaven’s door — He was opening your eyes. He was saying, “If forgiveness isn’t flowing out of you, it’s because it hasn’t fully settled within you yet.” Forgiveness isn’t a transaction — it’s transformation. It’s not that you forgive first and then God forgives you. It’s that once God’s forgiveness becomes real within you, you begin to see others through the same mercy He saw you through.
Zacchaeus didn’t need to be told to make things right; once Jesus entered his home, conviction and compassion took over. He wanted to set things right because grace had changed him from the inside out. And Jesus modeled this perfectly. On the cross, after being betrayed, beaten, and mocked, He prayed, “Father, forgive them.” That was love in its purest form — forgiveness flowing from the fullness of God’s heart. Ezekiel 36:26 – “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you.” Ephesians 4:32 – “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ forgave you.” Colossians 3:13 – “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” When forgiveness gets deep enough inside of you — when grace becomes more than a belief and turns into a living reality — you can’t help but forgive. It’s no longer forced; it flows.
Forgiveness isn’t a moment — it’s a movement. It starts in heaven, flows through you, and reaches others. When the flow stops with you, the heart grows stagnant. Bitterness begins to settle in, joy dries up, and peace fades. That’s why the Sea of Galilee and the Dead Sea tell such a powerful story. Both seas are fed by the same river — the Jordan. The same living water flows into both, but only one is full of life. The Sea of Galilee receives and gives. Water flows in and flows out. Because it has an outlet, it stays alive — fish thrive, plants grow, and its shores are full of movement and life. But the Dead Sea only takes in. It has no outlet. Everything flows in but nothing flows out, and over time, the water becomes so salty and stagnant that nothing can survive there. That’s the same picture of what happens in the human heart. When God’s forgiveness flows in but never flows out, the heart begins to die on the inside. Bitterness builds up, and the life that was meant to flow freely becomes trapped. Forgiveness is the outlet that keeps the soul alive. When you release what God has poured into you, you stay fresh. You stay free. Don’t let grace stop with you. Don’t let mercy get trapped in your heart. Let it flow through you — because when you do, peace and life return to your spirit, just like the living waters of the Sea of Galilee. Matthew 10:8 – “Freely you have received, freely give.” Forgiveness received must become forgiveness released.
Forgiveness isn’t pretending it didn’t happen — it’s choosing not to carry it anymore. It’s releasing the debt because you finally understand how much God released you from. Forgiveness doesn’t change the past, but it sets you free from being controlled by it. It doesn’t erase the wound, but it removes the weight. 2 Corinthians 3:17 – “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” Galatians 5:1 – “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” When you forgive, you’re not excusing someone’s actions — you’re stepping into freedom. You’re saying, “What they did no longer defines who I am.” You are never more like Jesus than when you forgive.
When Erika Kirk — the wife of Charlie Kirk — stood on a stage before millions and forgave the man who murdered her husband, it wasn’t weakness; it was strength. It was the kind of strength that can only come from someone who has deeply experienced the Father’s forgiveness for themselves. Her decision rippled across hearts, inspiring others to do the same — even actor Tim Allen, who chose to forgive the man who killed his father. One act of forgiveness became a spark that ignited countless hearts with freedom. That’s the power of forgiveness: it breaks chains, not just for you, but for those watching your life. Because only those who truly grasp how much they’ve been forgiven can extend that same grace to others.
Who do you need to forgive today? A friend? A parent? Yourself?
Don’t start by forcing forgiveness — start by letting God’s mercy go deep. Let it reach the places in you that still ache, still accuse, still carry shame. Once His grace becomes real inside you, forgiveness will no longer be something you fight to do — it’ll become the natural overflow of a healed heart. Forgiveness isn’t weakness — it’s freedom. And once His mercy gets rooted inside you, forgiveness will start flowing out of you.
Empowered To Forgive
Every person carries stories of pain, betrayal, or disappointment — moments that left a mark on the heart. We’ve all been hurt, and we’ve all hurt others. Forgiveness is one of the hardest commands Jesus ever gave, not because we don’t want to obey Him, but because sometimes the wounds feel too deep to release. Yet forgiveness isn’t about excusing the wrong; it’s about freeing the soul. It’s not weakness — it’s strength. And it’s not human — it’s divine. Forgiveness is the language of heaven flowing through the heart of the redeemed.
But unforgiveness can take many forms. It doesn’t always look like anger — sometimes it hides in silence, pride, or even self-punishment. Here are 10 common types of unforgiveness.
- Resentment – Holding onto anger or bitterness toward someone who hurt you.
- Grudge-holding – Keeping emotional “records” of wrongs and refusing to release them.
- Secondhand offense – Becoming offended on behalf of someone else’s pain or story.
- Self-condemnation – Refusing to forgive yourself for past failures or regrets.
- Blame toward God – Feeling angry or disappointed with God for what He did or didn’t do.
- Avoidance – Withdrawing or distancing yourself instead of facing unresolved hurt.
- Surface forgiveness – Saying you’ve forgiven, but still holding the hurt inside.
- Conditional forgiveness – Forgiving only if the other person apologizes or changes.
- Hidden unforgiveness – Pretending you’ve moved on while secretly carrying pain.
- Generational unforgiveness – Carrying or inheriting bitterness passed down through family or community.
When Jesus taught His disciples how to pray, He began with the heart, not the miracle. Before teaching about power, He taught about purity — the kind that only comes through forgiveness. Because nothing blocks the presence of God more than a heart that clings to offense. When Jesus said, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors,” He wasn’t giving us a formula. He was showing us how forgiveness flows. Forgiveness doesn’t begin with us — it begins with Him. We forgive others only when we understand how much we’ve been forgiven. Until that truth reaches the deepest part of who we are, forgiveness will always feel like a struggle. You can’t release what you haven’t received. You can’t extend what hasn’t touched you. You can’t truly forgive others until forgiveness has taken root inside you.
There are moments when forgiveness feels out of reach. The wound is still raw. The memory still burns. You’ve tried to move on, but something inside still grips the pain. Jesus understands that. That’s why forgiveness isn’t meant to be produced through effort — it’s something that grows out of grace. When we pray, “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors,” we’re really saying, “God, let Your mercy sink deep into my heart until it changes how I see others.”
Forgiveness doesn’t flow from willpower — it flows from understanding what God has done for you. Once you grasp the weight of what He’s carried for you, the weight you carry against others begins to lose its power. When forgiveness gets inside of you — when it becomes real, personal, and undeniable — that’s when you begin to forgive others not out of duty, but out of gratitude.
(Matthew 18:21–35). Peter once asked, “Lord, how often shall I forgive my brother? Up to seven times?” Jesus replied, “Not seven times, but seventy times seven.” Then He told a story. A servant owed his master ten thousand talents — an impossible debt. When he begged for mercy, the master forgave him completely. But that same servant went out and demanded payment from another man who owed him just a small amount. When the master heard, he was furious: “I forgave you all that debt. Shouldn’t you have had compassion as I had on you?” The servant’s problem wasn’t only pride — it was blindness. He had been forgiven, but he didn’t really believe it. The mercy shown to him never reached his heart, so he couldn’t show mercy to anyone else.
That’s the real danger of unforgiveness — not that God withholds mercy, but that we live as if we never received it. When grace stays on the surface, forgiveness stays out of reach. But when grace gets inside, when it touches your wounds and washes over your shame, it changes how you treat others. You start to see people the way God sees you — worth forgiving.
When Jesus said, “If you don’t forgive others, your Father won’t forgive you,” He wasn’t threatening punishment — He was revealing a principle of the heart. Unforgiveness doesn’t stop God from forgiving you — it stops you from receiving what He’s already given. The problem isn’t in heaven; it’s in our hearts.
In Matthew 6:15, Jesus said, “But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” The word “neither” in the Greek (oude) means “nor yet, not even.” It doesn’t mean God withholds forgiveness — it means you haven’t yet experienced the deep forgiveness that He has already bestowed on you.
When a person comes to the altar and repents of their sin, they are forgiven instantly by grace — not by works, not by effort, but by mercy alone. That forgiveness is full and complete. But the ability to forgive others grows as our understanding of that forgiveness deepens. You can’t release what you haven’t yet understood. You can’t extend what hasn’t yet transformed you. When forgiveness hasn’t yet sunk in, we hold on to offenses. But as His grace takes root — as it goes from being something we’ve heard to something we feel and know — our hearts begin to soften. Forgiveness becomes possible.
So when Jesus said, “If you don’t forgive, neither will your Father forgive you,” He wasn’t closing heaven’s door — He was opening your eyes. He was saying, “If forgiveness isn’t flowing out of you, it’s because it hasn’t fully settled within you yet.” Forgiveness isn’t a transaction — it’s transformation. It’s not that you forgive first and then God forgives you. It’s that once God’s forgiveness becomes real within you, you begin to see others through the same mercy He saw you through.
Zacchaeus didn’t need to be told to make things right; once Jesus entered his home, conviction and compassion took over. He wanted to set things right because grace had changed him from the inside out. And Jesus modeled this perfectly. On the cross, after being betrayed, beaten, and mocked, He prayed, “Father, forgive them.” That was love in its purest form — forgiveness flowing from the fullness of God’s heart. Ezekiel 36:26 – “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you.” Ephesians 4:32 – “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ forgave you.” Colossians 3:13 – “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” When forgiveness gets deep enough inside of you — when grace becomes more than a belief and turns into a living reality — you can’t help but forgive. It’s no longer forced; it flows.
Forgiveness isn’t a moment — it’s a movement. It starts in heaven, flows through you, and reaches others. When the flow stops with you, the heart grows stagnant. Bitterness begins to settle in, joy dries up, and peace fades. That’s why the Sea of Galilee and the Dead Sea tell such a powerful story. Both seas are fed by the same river — the Jordan. The same living water flows into both, but only one is full of life. The Sea of Galilee receives and gives. Water flows in and flows out. Because it has an outlet, it stays alive — fish thrive, plants grow, and its shores are full of movement and life. But the Dead Sea only takes in. It has no outlet. Everything flows in but nothing flows out, and over time, the water becomes so salty and stagnant that nothing can survive there. That’s the same picture of what happens in the human heart. When God’s forgiveness flows in but never flows out, the heart begins to die on the inside. Bitterness builds up, and the life that was meant to flow freely becomes trapped. Forgiveness is the outlet that keeps the soul alive. When you release what God has poured into you, you stay fresh. You stay free. Don’t let grace stop with you. Don’t let mercy get trapped in your heart. Let it flow through you — because when you do, peace and life return to your spirit, just like the living waters of the Sea of Galilee. Matthew 10:8 – “Freely you have received, freely give.” Forgiveness received must become forgiveness released.
Forgiveness isn’t pretending it didn’t happen — it’s choosing not to carry it anymore. It’s releasing the debt because you finally understand how much God released you from. Forgiveness doesn’t change the past, but it sets you free from being controlled by it. It doesn’t erase the wound, but it removes the weight. 2 Corinthians 3:17 – “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” Galatians 5:1 – “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” When you forgive, you’re not excusing someone’s actions — you’re stepping into freedom. You’re saying, “What they did no longer defines who I am.” You are never more like Jesus than when you forgive.
When Erika Kirk — the wife of Charlie Kirk — stood on a stage before millions and forgave the man who murdered her husband, it wasn’t weakness; it was strength. It was the kind of strength that can only come from someone who has deeply experienced the Father’s forgiveness for themselves. Her decision rippled across hearts, inspiring others to do the same — even actor Tim Allen, who chose to forgive the man who killed his father. One act of forgiveness became a spark that ignited countless hearts with freedom. That’s the power of forgiveness: it breaks chains, not just for you, but for those watching your life. Because only those who truly grasp how much they’ve been forgiven can extend that same grace to others.
Who do you need to forgive today? A friend? A parent? Yourself?
Don’t start by forcing forgiveness — start by letting God’s mercy go deep. Let it reach the places in you that still ache, still accuse, still carry shame. Once His grace becomes real inside you, forgiveness will no longer be something you fight to do — it’ll become the natural overflow of a healed heart. Forgiveness isn’t weakness — it’s freedom. And once His mercy gets rooted inside you, forgiveness will start flowing out of you.